Uncle Donald's Headlines
Uncle Donald's
Hydra Headlines

"WORDPLAY", one of my favorite things. I enjoy WORDS.
Besides communicating thought, they also offer multiple forms of amusement, humor, and entertainment. Remember your English Teacher exposing your Dangling Participles to the entire class? The following could have been avoided by paying attention in school! They are actual Headlines from real Newspapers.
I hope you enjoy them.


Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
L.I. Teen Fingers His Dad
Accused Arsonist Could Get 2000 Years in N. Y. Fire
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Hospitals Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
Homosexual Loses Boy Scout Suit
Dwarf-tossing Ban Opposed by ACLU
Drunk Gets 9 Months in Violin Case
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in Ten Years
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Squad helps dog bite victim
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Mondale's Offensive Looks Hard to Beat
Sharon to Press His Suit in Israel
British Left Waffles on Falklands
Give the Palestinians a Homeland --Ottawa
Farmer Bill Dies in House
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
William Kelly was fed secretary


Baseball Talks in 9th Inning
East Bay Cemetery Walkout Ends
Stolen Painting Found By Tree
Helicopter Powered by Human Flies
Starving Angolans Eat Dogs and Bark
Big Trees Break Wind
Dead Drummer Links Up with Smithsonian (Grateful Dead)
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water


Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One
Veterans Calling About Discharges
New Study of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Kids Make Nutritous Snacks
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Milk Drinkers Turn to Powder
Is There A Ring of Debris Around Uranus?


Crime Is Either Up Or Down In Berkeley
Witness Says Cop Lifted His Skirt At AIDS Benefit Raid
Headless Woman Homicide Victim
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Nob Hill Residents Aroused
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Deer Kill 17,000
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies

submitted by Dave Wooster, Cornwall UK

Churchill Flies Back To Front
Allies Push Bottles up Germans


This page created April 1, 1997
modified February 21,, 2002
• Text and Graphics © 1997 - 2001 • UD Graphics • San Francisco •